Sunday, July 10
i know i promised to be happy this week, but i think i've got pre-monday blues. watched 4 discs of friends today, trying to hunt down the episode where rachel kisses her ex-classmate. apparently it's not in the season i borrowed. ah well. how does one solve monday blues? or pre-monday blues at that? cause for sorrow: monday's a 440 day. and guess what, i get to spend only about 15 minutes in the morning with janet. :( maybe a bit less cos i have to grab my econs stuff before school starts. i've really enjoyed the weekend. lounging about, in no hurry to do any work. doing what i want to do. and with the dawn, all that will evaporate. forced back into the ratrace. back to feeling never good enough. back to feeling cold and dead inside. sometimes i wonder if i've been crying so much for no reason this year because chris leaving screwed my cycle, or because i'm just trying to convince myself that i'm not dead inside. this really isn't cheery is it? well i thought of a few points to make myself feel better: we might continue watching jane eyre in lit. i might catch a glimpse of someone. something funny might happen in school, i might laugh and mean it. maybe the food will be great for once. hell, maybe, just maybe [and who's to say, why not?] i'll get swept off my feet by someone and get my happily-ever-after. why does my life sound so sad put into words? nononono must be happy must be happy.
i had a yummy aero chocolate bar today! that was yummy! =D i ate it while on the phone. hahaha i bet joan never even noticed i was eating, she's so dense. heh.
what do you do when you find you have no reason to live? fly to africa and be a missionary? start a charity? how do you find purpose in life? get a hobby? what the hell? maybe.. fall in love? that's the whole cause, reason, whatever, isn't it? just to get a kick out of life. have someone to msg til late at night and know that you'll start again early in the morning. someone to whisper sweet nothings to, and giggle over inside jokes. someone to hold you when you're cold, and make you feel like you're someone special.
shutupshutupshutup.
happy thoughts! think pretty pink and blue thoughts!!
oh God. i have none.
it must've been love.
7:41 pm
xoxo
